Illustration: Maanvi Kapur
A lifelong New Yorker, comic Charlie Bardey grew up downtown and continued to cohabitate together with his brother till just lately. Now that he lives alone in Brooklyn, he’s making an attempt to really feel extra comfy cooking for company. “An enormous journey for me has been studying to not be self-conscious about it,” he says. He spends most of his days bouncing between writing, going to exhibits, and recording his breakout podcast, Exploration: Reside!, with co-host Natalie Rotter-Laitman, which takes observational comedy and applies a contact of the profound. (A latest dialog about actuality tv advanced into one a few basic concern of the unknown.) His meals veer between the rigidly routine — yogurt and berries for breakfast — and the haphazardly improvisational: sending out a flurry of texts to safe dinner plans. Nothing fills Bardey with extra concern than discovering himself with nothing to do on a Friday evening. “For me, emotionally,” he says, “that’s an emergency.”
Wednesday, August 20
This Wednesday morning, as is the case each morning if I’m house, I’ve the identical breakfast: Greek yogurt, watered down somewhat bit, with blueberries and somewhat jam. It’s utterly important to my life that I get up and have principally the identical factor on daily basis. In any other case, the choice of what to have for breakfast utterly breaks me. If I’m lacking a element piece (the yogurt, the berries), I lose an hour short-circuiting.
I all the time get my blueberries from Mr. Kale, my favourite grocer within the metropolis, a part of the Mr. Fruit chain celebrated on this very journal. Let me add to the refrain: It’s fabulous. Open 24 hours, and the produce is so low-cost. The opposite evening, I purchased two pints of blueberries for 2 bucks every. It’s good for my life-style since I normally come house fairly late, possibly as a result of I internalized the fallacious lesson from the track “Cabaret” from the musical Cabaret.
I’m virtually completely a morning-coffee individual, although I’m in somewhat little bit of a transitional interval as a result of I simply discovered that in case you have one other espresso all through the day, you may get far more executed. For the previous six months, my espresso machine has been damaged. When I attempt to use it, the machine (a Ninja my brother snagged from an outdated workplace) beeps thrice, signaling, based on Google, a water-flow challenge. Proper now, its major perform is conveying to company that I’ve my life collectively sufficient to personal an enormous fancy espresso maker. As an alternative, I drink Café Bustelo instantaneous espresso, which I just like the style of. However extra vital, I like telling individuals I just like the style of it. Sorry to be all 2014 about it, however it might nonetheless typically really feel so good to subversively recognize it.
At 11 a.m., I file my podcast, Exploration: Reside!, with my co-host, Natalie. I like her, and I like making this podcast! Proper now, we’re recording remotely as a result of Natalie has a job in Los Angeles. Once we file in individual within the Headgum workplace, now we have entry to workplace snacks, which, due to our jobs as comedians, isn’t actually so acquainted to us. There’s novelty to the little packs of nuts and the protein bars. However we strive to not eat whereas recording as a result of our listeners have made it clear they don’t prefer it. If we slip for even a second, persons are like, “That is triggering to me. It’s horrible. You can’t do that.”
We begin gradual at present as a result of Natalie’s recording earlier than work at 8 a.m. (God bless her), however we discover a compelling groove in discussing the sensation of wistfulness. Natalie talks about making a peanut-butter soba noodle for dinner, which I pay attention to.
After the podcast, I eat a peach, which I’ve set out from the fridge to heat a bit. Peaches are heavenly proper now. I believe I’ve between two and three a day. I’m going to the fitness center, after which I return house and make my smoothie, which incorporates yogurt, frozen blueberries, water, psyllium husk, whey-protein powder, and creatine. The actual key ingredient of the smoothie is psyllium husk, which has been superb for my digestive well being. I actually advocate it, to not be a pervert.
I perform a little bit of labor (sit at my laptop, bounce my leg, and swap between tabs), and for lunch I’ve leftover tofu curry a lover made for me. (Aww.) I work extra, then resolve I would like a second lunch, so I make a tuna salad. It consists of two cans of tuna; the three scallions I’ve in my fridge; a couple of mini-cucumbers, diced small, which I purchase at Mr. Kale ($1 for a bag!); mayonnaise; salt; pepper; celery seed, my favourite seasoning; somewhat cilantro; hành phi; and lemon juice. It’s completely scrumptious. I like making ready meals you can style and regulate as you go. I eat it with Wasa crackers whereas hunched over my laptop taking part in Pokémon Showdown, a web-based Pokémon battle simulator that I play for, conservatively, three hours a day. It’s a big challenge in my life, and my dependancy to it’s, to me, an indicator signal of the best way my consideration has grow to be dysregulated.
I bounce my leg furiously for a couple of extra hours earlier than assembly my buddy Richard Perez for dinner. We go to Captain Dan’s Tavern, one in every of my favourite spots within the metropolis. It’s sort of only a traditional bar, however the meals is nice, the kitchen is open till 2 a.m., a Excessive Life is $4, and my buddy’s fiancé is a line prepare dinner there, so the vibe is true. I recognize a workmanlike high quality to eating places and bars — easy and efficient, assembly all kinds of wants. I get a burger and fries, and Richard will get the Caesar salad with rooster, which is my different favourite factor right here, although I believe (and I’m saying this with like to Captain Dan and his household) it’s a bit overpriced.
I’m going house and eat chips, a couple of items of the raspberry darkish chocolate I all the time have within the fridge, a couple of handfuls of honey-roasted peanuts, and one other peach. I play 100 extra hours of Pokémon Showdown, learn 4 pages of The Magic Mountain, and go to mattress at 100,000,000 p.m.
Thursday, August 21
One thing sort of good about having the identical breakfast on daily basis is you discover new depth in it. Some mornings the blueberries are mealy. Typically they’re crisp and tart. Typically the yogurt tastes like ice cream and I relish it; typically it tastes like paste in my mouth and I choke it down, determined for it to be over. It doesn’t matter — I’ve to eat, and something is price not having to begin my day with a call.
After breakfast, I’ve a tutoring session. I bike to Windsor Terrace and do my finest to show a rising eighth-grader algebra so he can do higher on the SHSATs. Biking house, I’m so hungry, and I really feel frozen as to the way to proceed with my day. As a contract, underemployed comedian-podcaster-writer, I largely make my very own schedule. I selected this path partially out of a ardour for writing and performing but in addition largely out of an antipathy for waking as much as an alarm clock. Most days I get up between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m., and I adore it! Nonetheless, it usually means I’m compelled to construct the aircraft of my life because it flies, so to talk.
I resolve to eat out however then find yourself caught, unable to decide on the place. I would like a protein-forward meal, a espresso, and a snug sufficient setting during which I can (attempt to) write. My intuition is Lincoln Station, a candy, unassuming sandwich place and occasional store in my neighborhood.
Like Captain Dan’s Tavern, Lincoln Station is a utilitarian possibility: good — not overpriced — meals and an honest working setting. As normal, although, trying to work at a café is a catastrophe. I sit outdoors as a result of the tables inside are stuffed and I don’t wish to sit on the counter-height stools. Exterior, the wind retains knocking over my desk quantity, and I hold selecting it again up like Charlie Chaplin. There are a couple of bees circling, which I don’t thoughts, however when a server brings out my sandwich — a meatball sub on ciabatta — the bees really swarm. They return even once I swat, which makes me really feel just like the bees and I don’t have an open and trustworthy relationship. I really feel unheard and brought benefit of and silly. I transfer to a unique desk, farther away from the potted flowers, and eat my sandwich shortly.
I’ve been flirting with unhappiness all day, however I’ve my first sip of espresso and really feel higher and excited and begin to write. I run into my mates Free and Caroline, who dwell close by, after which run into my buddy and neighbor Cameron, which, in fact, feels fabulous. I’ve lived in my neighborhood now for seven years, so I’ve met lots of people who dwell round right here. This additionally makes me really feel rooted in group, like an older individual in a small city within the south of France, a sense we are able to all aspire to.
Caroline will get a slice of Lincoln Station’s gluten-free olive-oil cake and affords me a chew, to which I say, “Can I’ve a chew?,” to which she says, “Sure, that’s why I simply supplied you a chew,” so I’ve a chew. It’s scrumptious.
After my 4 p.m. assembly, I’m going to the fitness center, which is crowded within the afternoon with individuals who work extra (no offense) common schedules. I return house, have my smoothie, and bike to Bushwick to see my buddy Max Wittert’s present I Can Steal Your Mom at Life World. It’s the third time I’ve seen the present. I adore it! After, somebody asks me about my footwear, and I reply for eight minutes, throughout which era I fail completely to provide you with one salient and coherent level to make (they’re comfy however not that comfy? Or they’re cool? Or they’re advantageous?), and I notice I’m so hungry. Max and I and about eight different individuals stroll to El Santo, the place I get a Corona and a rooster burrito. Earlier than it comes, I joke that I’m so hungry I’m going to swallow it entire in a single gulp like a capsule. It arrives, and it’s so scrumptious that I principally do swallow it in a single chew like a capsule, which two individuals comment on, and I really feel proud in a boyish manner.
After biking house, I play Pokémon Showdown till time ceases to exist, learn 12 pages of The Magic Mountain, and go to mattress at an hour so late they haven’t even provide you with a phrase for it.
Friday, August 22
The blueberries are higher at present — tart and crisp. Auspicious!
I head into the town to hang around with my youngest brother, Henry, who’s about to depart for his first semester of school (!). We meet at my favourite institution within the metropolis — Harper’s Bread Home, on Grand and Forsyth — which makes, to me, the most effective onigiri within the metropolis. We get two every of spicy eel, spicy crab, butter rooster, and seaweed salad and eat watching handball within the park. It’s an ideal meals expertise, and it’s the primary place I like to recommend to anybody who asks me the place to eat within the metropolis. I grew up round that space, and I’ve been going since I used to be a child, and I’m so glad it’s nonetheless open. I miss Prosperity Dumpling, the place you would get 5 fried pork dumplings for a greenback. They closed after there was an exposé about how they had been truly making the dumplings within the alleyway behind the shop. And I’m sort of like, Yeah, lady, they’re 5 dumplings for a greenback. What would you like?
Again house, I notice, to my horror, I’ve no plans tonight. I really feel forgotten and misplaced. After sending some texts, I safe the define of a plan: Make dinner with (for) my neighbor Vince, after which we’ll head to my buddy Julio’s get together. For Vince, I find yourself making the soba peanut noodles I’d been eager about. I improvise the peanut sauce. It’s the fundamentals: peanut butter, soy sauce, honey, toasted-sesame oil, a little bit of water, rice vinegar, grated ginger, and garlic. For a important, I poach bass in water and soy sauce with a ton of scallions. After the bass is completed, I throw in some Broccolini and poach that. I serve all of it collectively. It’s nice!
Each of my dad and mom — and, specifically, my father — are gifted house cooks, so I’ve all the time understood cooking and internet hosting to be of paramount significance to profitable maturity. I understand how to prepare dinner decently, however internet hosting is more durable for me, and I’m simply now studying the way to serve meals with out equivocating, apologizing, and projecting a deep neediness: “It is likely to be too salty,” “The oven was bizarre” — that sort of stuff. I’ve been making an attempt to apply a small and unassuming “Oh, I’m glad!” as a response when somebody compliments my cooking. We’re being evaluated consistently, but it surely’s sort of a bummer to indicate that you just’re eager about it.
We bike to Julio’s. Earlier than heading in, we cease in a bodega, the place I recommend we purchase this new Corona product, Sunbrew, which guarantees “actual orange & lime peels.” We additionally purchase a bag of peach gummies, my favourite factor to convey to events. Everybody loves sweet, and it’s a pleasant and low-cost factor to convey. On the get together, we strive two Sunbrews, and they’re horrid — manner too candy; cloying, even. No one else touches them, even when there’s no different alcohol left. What may they see that I couldn’t?
Saturday, August 23
I get up with no plans, utterly terrified. I’ve a celebration later within the evening, however a vivid and exquisite day stretches forward of me with nobody to share it with. I really feel like I’m going to die. Saturday days are a sort of black field to me. Friday nights, Saturday nights, Sunday days, Sunday nights — all of them have clear imperatives. Saturday day is anybody’s guess. When you have got a boyfriend, Saturdays are for going to furnishings shops. However I don’t have one, so I’m utterly misplaced.
Like divine gentle from Heaven, Richard calls and asks what I’m as much as. He meets me at my home, and we set off. We get matching chilly brews and a single egg tart to separate from Lisbonata, a brand new Portuguese bakery close to my home. We strive going to Bagel Pub, but it surely’s mobbed, because it all the time is on a weekend. We defer our bagel plans and head off to fulfill my different little brother, Alec, who’s working the Jap Parkway Open Avenue. He works for NYC DOT, and I actually couldn’t be extra pleased with him. We hang around for a bit earlier than getting a bagel at [redacted], which is dangerous, however now we have a pleasant time.
We head to the park and choose up peaches on the farmers’ market however detour three avenue blocks into Park Slope to discover a bottle of water that resonates with Richard’s wishes. We discover a grocery retailer on Seventh and purchase shrimp chips, toffee pretzels, and two big and silly Essentia waters, a product so idiotic that I can’t assist however adore it.
Richard leaves to see a dance efficiency within the Rockaways, and I meet my mates Mohammad, Hayley, Jovvi, and Dylan to go to a block get together run by Rhodora wine bar within the south of Prospect Park. We get there, hungry and unwilling to attend within the meals line, so we go to Risbo, a French rotisserie restaurant in Flatbush. I’ve a serious dilemma, which is that I’m alleged to get dinner with my buddy Max, with whom I’m co-hosting a celebration later within the evening, however I’m hungry now. I waffle and find yourself ordering unusually: a scoop of bourbon-vanilla ice cream and a facet order of rooster. They arrive on the similar time, and I eat the ice cream first. Mohammad and Dylan order large platters of meals. I’d gambled that I’d be capable of mooch off them. And I do.
I bike house, bathe, and meet Max at a Mexican place, the place I order a ceviche and have 1,000,000 chips, all of which makes me really feel bloated, most likely as a result of this being my second full dinner. We return to Max’s place and lightweight candles for the get together. I set out a bag of Carambars, and we batch white negronis. Max is a very gifted host and chef; his house is tasteful and exquisite and stylish and playful, so events at his home are all the time utterly fabulous. After everybody leaves, Max and I play Smash, and I get on a bus house. I’m drunk from the white negronis — too drunk to prepare for mattress — so I find yourself doing nothing on my laptop for 100 hours and go to mattress after 5 a.m. I don’t even attempt to learn The Magic Mountain.
Sunday, August 24
I get up hung-over. I drink water alone. I look in my fridge, and I’ve blueberries however no yogurt. It is a catastrophe — my system is falling aside. The whole lot is falling aside. I can’t bear in mind if I’ve mates or family members.
I make a plan to go to my buddy Yoshiki earlier than he leaves city for six weeks. I inform him I’ll choose up sandwiches alongside the best way. I don’t love any of the bodega sandwiches round me, however I choose Past Pure Market on Bedford and Fulton. I’m going in and the vibe is odd and forlorn. The market is the dimensions of an airplane hangar, and a lot of the cabinets are empty. Nation music is taking part in that the man working the entrance appears utterly bored with. I discover a deli counter within the again, and the person working there appears to be like frightened that I’ve discovered him. I ask for 2 turkey-egg-and-cheeses and amble across the empty aisles. I get my sandwiches and an iced espresso, and Yoshiki and I eat collectively on his roof. The sandwiches are good (I get mine with mayo) and solely $5.50.
I initially have plans to get dinner with my ex-boyfriend Anand and his new boyfriend, Alex. Once we had been relationship, it was Anand’s dream to have a Grub Avenue Weight loss program, however he’s a tenant lawyer in Queens Housing Court docket, so it doesn’t appear seemingly he’ll ever get one. The connection’s ending was notably painful and fraught, so my inclusion of our dinner is a gesture of apology and gratitude. Sadly, although, he and Alex get again too late from a weekend journey. Typically issues don’t work out!
See All
