Photograph-Illustration: Sarah Kilcoyne
Comic Liza Treyger’s first Netflix particular, Evening Owl, debuted on January 28, and she or he nonetheless isn’t over it: “I maintain taking footage of myself on the house web page,” she says. She spent the week having celebratory lavish dinners — and the occasional afternoon cocktail — earlier than inevitably coming down with the flu. Even that hasn’t dampened her spirit as she celebrates the primary anniversary of her transfer again to New York after 4 years in Los Angeles. “It’s simply sort of magical,” she says. “Even after I’m sick, I’m like, I’m in my New York condo. I’ve uncovered brick. Are you able to imagine it?”
Wednesday, January 29
It’s 2:40 a.m., and I’m with three girlfriends at my condo. We’re drunk, consuming Taco Bell, and watching Intercourse and the Metropolis. Heaven. I had a celebration celebrating my Netflix particular, and I actually didn’t need it to finish. I order a Crunchwrap Supreme and a cheese roll-up with steak and potato; we additionally get a selection of communal tacky potatoes, a cheese quesadilla, and a dozen of the custard-doughnut issues. That is insane conduct; again on the social gathering, I had roughly 100 cupcakes, many chocolate blunts and white-chocolate “joints,” one strawberry shortcake, and one cookie. I like to overorder, particularly after I’m wasted.
I get up at 8 a.m. and am not glad about it. I crack open a crisp can of Fresca; my fridge is so chilly that it’s slightly slushy on high, and it simply hits. I might often return to mattress, however I’m nonetheless raging about some drama from my social gathering the night time earlier than, and I wish to unleash it, so I textual content my finest pal. She retains me in verify, however I’m an individual who stews, so then I do what each self-help guru would inform you to not do within the morning: scroll on my telephone, watch new episodes of Actual Housewives of New York and Beverly Hills, and play my day by day film video games and Tetris.
I go again out and stand up round midday for the total day. I’m heading to midtown to be on the Bennington radio present at Sirius. I reside above a espresso store, and I like the scent of espresso and bacon that wafts via my window day-after-day. I additionally love being an everyday there; it fills me with pleasure after I get a free or discounted espresso, or after I’m simply ready in line and see that my drink is prepared. I like moments that make me really feel like I’m in a New York fantasyland. I often get an iced espresso with a splash of half-and-half or an Arnold Palmer, however I’m feeling additional particular at this time, so I get a grimy iced chai latte. It’s excellent.
After the interview, I head to the constructing’s first flooring to kill time at Del Frisco’s. I order a Maker’s Manhattan straight up and a rainbow roll with tuna, salmon, avocado, and sesame seeds. I like trying round in any respect the enterprise folks carrying tech vests. It’s 3 p.m., so it’s a bizarre crew of people that work at Fox Information or are dishonest on their wives in Connecticut. I reply to messages concerning the particular. I’ve heard from folks throughout each a part of my life — highschool, elementary college, comedy friends — aside from two: my dad and mom. I believe my sister informed them I’d be busy and to go away me alone. However, for the document, that’s not what I need. Even when I ignore your name, you need to be calling me.
One in all my favourite folks is on the town from London. She is a accomplice at a PR agency, and she or he has conferences round midtown. We’re alleged to get dinner, however I out of the blue get a textual content from a pal asking, “Are we nonetheless all the way down to see Dying Turns into Her? I obtained us tickets.” That’s the first of many plans that have been made whereas I used to be blackout drunk the night time earlier than. I’m slightly bummed that I’ve to hurry via dinner with my pal, however she’s a chill, cool girl. Now we have espresso martinis, and I observe her to her subsequent assembly at some resort, the place we have now two extra Manhattans. They ship over a hummus plate with pita and little tomatoes that I actually get pleasure from. It is a particular week for me — I don’t usually have Manhattans all day lengthy, however tonight, I’m hammered, and it’s 5 p.m.
I take into consideration taking my pal to the Smith — she’s like, “I simply desire a salad in a steel bowl,” as a result of to her, that’s American — however we stroll to Ocean Prime as an alternative, because it’s near the theater. I order one other Manhattan. We share a $48 lobster mac ’n’ cheese, and it’s value each penny. We run into hassle with the caviar deviled eggs. We assumed it could be one egg and a hunk of caviar; as an alternative, it’s six deviled eggs. As in, three full eggs. The yolk is piled excessive, like a soft-serve cone. I want the waitress had mentioned, “Hey, it’s a variety of eggs for 2 ladies.” We go away loads behind.
I order a Eating regimen Coke for some power and stroll all the way down to see the present. It’s superb: The seats, the music, the wardrobe, the dancing, the set are all unimaginable; plus, they’ve a number of the finest Broadway merch I’ve ever seen. I purchase water and peanut M&M’s throughout intermission.
I finish my night time with a Glacier Freeze Gatorade Zero, a joint, and leftover pad Thai from NaNa Thai Road. I’ve by no means ordered from there earlier than. I often go by amount of opinions, and this place had over 10,000. I don’t care if 900 folks favored it. I wish to know if 7,000 folks favored it. In the event you’re a brand new enterprise, I can’t belief you.
Thursday, January 30
I’m nonetheless in a rage concerning the drama at my social gathering, however, similar to my finest pal instructed me to, I waited 24 hours earlier than sending an aggressive textual content very first thing this morning. I play my typical film video games. The solar is deceptively vibrant; it’s 28 levels outdoors. I’m a hero and stroll to SoulCycle. Karen, the teacher, is a jock and leads an intense class. I went to her class the day after the election, and I used to be slightly nervous as a result of her identify is Karen and she or he’s blonde, however she was devastated. We have been all sort of crying.
I cease at my deli for an egg, pepper jack, and hash brown on a croissant and a container of cut-up mango. The hash browns are a brand new addition. I all the time add them to breakfast sandwiches from McDonald’s, however a few weeks in the past, the bodega man recommended all of it on his personal. I didn’t even know that they had little hash-brown pies on the bodega. I used to be like, “Yeah, motherfucker, that’s precisely what I need.”
I cease at my espresso store for my typical iced espresso and watch The Actual Housewives of Salt Lake Metropolis whereas doing admin, catching up on emails, and harassing my well-known buddies to submit about my particular. I used to be informed you simply should get determined. After two extra telephone conversations speaking concerning the drama, it’s now 3 p.m. I haven’t showered, and I’ve early dinner reservations — additionally plans made whereas blackout — at 4 p.m., which is exceptionally early for dinner, nevertheless it’s additionally the one possibility when everybody’s a comic and has reveals later within the night time. I handle to reach solely six minutes late.
Dinner is at El Pengüino — the perfect. The chef and proprietor, Nick Padilla, is so gifted at making the perfect variations of easy meals. Between my buddies Laura Peek, Jared Goldstein, and myself, we order virtually every little thing on the menu: boquerones with a tomato French dressing and a pleasant crusty bread, gildas, steamed clams (which all the time makes me consider The Simpsons), roasted oysters, plus a uncooked platter with three oysters, six shrimp, crab salad, scallop aguachile, and tilefish ceviche. It’s all served with a facet of saltines and Ritz. Jared leaves for an early present, and, naturally, the gals keep for 4 extra hours. The vibe is so good, and we don’t wish to go away. I’ve two espresso martinis, a Tito’s and soda, and what I believe is the perfect Cosmo within the metropolis.
Laura and I meet up with two different buddies. I’ve time for another Tito’s and soda earlier than I’ve two spots on the Comedy Cellar — a 9:25 and an 11:55. I get a can of Eating regimen Coke straight away. I do know folks go gaga for the fountain, however I’m a can lady.
Going to the Comedy Cellar is my favourite factor about New York. Chats and laughs are what I reside for. Each night time is completely different, they usually all make me glad, whether or not I’m doing my spots or simply sitting there till three within the morning speaking shit. You by no means know who you’ll see. Plus, the meals is fucking good. I like how I can order off-menu and simply get cut-up cucumbers or buttered noodles.
Tonight, there’s an excellent group on the again desk — Michael Che, Harrison Greenbaum, Shane Torres, Sam Jay, Alex English, and some extra. The host orders nachos for the desk, Tom Papa type, which implies all of the toppings are on the facet. This fashion, you get far more cheese, and I don’t should eat across the black beans and olives. I solely fuck with the lettuce, salsa, bitter cream, and, lately, jalapeño. I’ve a “geographic tongue,” which a dental hygienist as soon as informed me is the explanation I can’t deal with spice, however I’ve been pushing myself and have made nice strides. To be totally sincere, although, I largely wish to scrape the cheese off the plate. Johnny, who made my social gathering muffins, is working tonight and introduced leftover white-chocolate blunts for everybody to share. One of many comics tonight is a magician, so he does magic for us in between reveals. It’s unimaginable. My thoughts is blown.
Friday, January 31
I actually wish to really feel higher as a result of I’m alleged to have dinner with my finest pal at the Commerce Inn tonight, and I’ve three spots on the Cellar. I take a DayQuil and attempt to relaxation. My bestie is an angel and arrives with an iced espresso from downstairs. She lately obtained a brand new job main a complete division. It’s superb that she’s a boss, nevertheless it has been terrible for my social life. I’m actually excited to catch up, so though I’m not feeling so sizzling, I’m going to push via.
I like the Quaker cabin vibes on the Commerce Inn and the way it’s nestled into the tiny, curvy streets of the West Village. I used to be launched to it by my culinary hotshot pal, Alison Leiby, who has a present at Cherry Lane down the road. It’s all the time such good service, however everybody wears denims and slightly white coat. They seem like they’d be in that present The Knick about old-timey medical doctors. It’s steampunk, however not annoying. Did a witch reside right here previously? I hope so.
My pal’s boyfriend joins, and we grow to be a celebration of three. Boyfriends is usually a nightmare, however I like that he’s right here. All of us like to eat, and when my pal doesn’t desire a tartare or a bizarre fish, he’s there for me. All of us get oysters, one uncooked, one pickled, and one fried. Often, I really feel like fried oysters are like a foul sea-shack kind of meals, however these are superior. We additionally get the lobster toast, spoon bread, home rolls, artichokes, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes, and a rib eye with fried onions. I order a pear tequila drink and a Sarsaparilla pop, which is a “spiced root mix.” I recognize a spot that claims “No, thanks” to large soda manufacturers, however I personally hate it. The mashed potatoes are the perfect I’ve ever had. So buttery. I want I may eat a home roll day-after-day of my life.
I’m clearly degrading all through the night time. I wish to push via, however my buddies are like, “You’re sick and must go dwelling. Your angle is a large number.” (They’re proper; I flicked somebody off within the rest room line.)
I’ve spots till two within the morning, and I do know I can’t do it, so I cancel my reveals and head dwelling. I’m fortunate sufficient to have a job that I by no means wish to name in sick for, and it pains me to do it as a result of my pal from London deliberate on assembly us for a enjoyable post-dinner Cellar night time. Typically, I actually hate canceling, however nobody’s mad.
Going to the deli takes every little thing out of me. I purchase a crimson and blue Gatorade, Eating regimen 7UP, ginger ale, and NyQuil. I’m in mattress earlier than 11.
Saturday, February 1
I’m formally sick-sick. I cancel SoulCycle, bagels with buddies, a birthday gathering, three reveals at Gotham, and two on the Comedy Cellar. I’m so sick I can’t even give attention to the brand new Drag Race episode. I can’t actually eat till 4:30 p.m., after I lastly order from Ippudo. I’m often a chicken-noodle or matzo-ball soup girlie after I’m sick, however I actually desire a lengthy noodle. I order two pork buns — purchase one, get one free — and miso ramen with two eggs. I can barely eat something, and I don’t know why I assumed I used to be about to down two eggs like that lizard from The Rescuers Down Underneath.
Later, I’ve three sprinkle-covered gummy bears leftover from after I did a present at Economic system Sweet. I obtained paid 100 {dollars} for the present and spent $45 on sweet. Having by no means been earlier than, I used to be in heaven.
I attempt to watch some YouTube movies however can barely focus. I eat a few white-cheddar puff Cheetos, take a NyQuil, and go to mattress.
Sunday, February 2
I nonetheless don’t have any power. I am going to the deli and get a buttered, toasted bagel; it sucks realizing that incredible bagels exist throughout me, simply out of attain. I can barely transfer. I additionally get a citrus zing juice with lemon, orange, ginger, lemon-lime, and some grape Gatorade Zeroes. They positively decide me at this bodega. My bodega guys may be very chilly, however I don’t want heat as a result of they’ve 12 flavors of lollipops.
Right this moment is my first anniversary of shifting again to New York. I nonetheless can’t imagine it. I like it right here. My whole life flourished after I moved again. I spent the summer time strolling to the Cellar and working across the bridge. I’m actually corny about it. Anytime I see the tip of a constructing, my coronary heart sings. The romance is there for me day-after-day, even whereas I’m extraordinarily sick.
I bragged about my dinner plans for tonight all week; somebody should’ve given me the evil eye, and that’s why I’m sick now. Three buddies and I have been alleged to go to Bernie’s in Greenpoint and never have to attend for a seat as a result of Rachel, our pal who works there, was holding a desk for us at seven. Rachel is the best. One time, I noticed her carrying Danskos, so then I additionally purchased Danskos.
Often, after we go to Bernie’s, we wait round for one or two hours and are glad to do it. We like it there. Had we gone tonight, we’d’ve ordered the mozzarella sticks, chilled shrimp, and a mint-chip sundae. There would’ve been an extended dialogue with the group about entrées, sides, and salads. However generally you simply should lie in mattress all day and watch Males in Black. I’ll be again in that attractive crimson leather-based sales space drawing on the paper tablecloth with crayons quickly sufficient.
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